


A Little Bit of Faith

by Mysticmcknight



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Angst, First Time, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-09
Updated: 2011-08-09
Packaged: 2017-12-09 10:21:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/773098
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mysticmcknight/pseuds/Mysticmcknight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rodney McKay may be John Sheppard’s friend, but Sheppard still doesn’t know him that well, and makes what could be a decision in a moment of haste that could be fatal to McKay. Now Sheppard has to face himself and the consequences, both big and small.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Little Bit of Faith

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: Cliché all the way!

Major John Sheppard, sat with his back against the damp boulder, his team near by, wishing that he’d passed this particular mission on to one of the other teams, as it had not gone well at all. That was the par for the course with them, and they hadn’t even gone on that many missions yet. They had come to M3…whatever to establish trade with some natives that Teyla had heard of. She had been honest that she knew very little of them, but since the Atlantis team was desperate for supplies, they had decided to check it out anyway; big mistake. 

It seemed that the natives, which John didn’t catch the name of, feared the culling of the Wraith so much, that they captured anyone not of their village and kept them as ‘offerings’ to the Wraith. They hoped that by offering up the captured visitors they might spare themselves, just a lovely thought. That, of course, led to the team being greeted warmly and then subsequently being given something in their drinks that knocked them out. Then they were stripped of their gear and locked in a hut. It wasn’t long before Ford, Teyla and he was able to overpower the two guards and the four of them, got away. The unfortunate thing was they were NOT going towards the Stargate as they had wished, but at least they were free at the moment. 

“Okay, we just have to hang tight for a little while, and then start making our way back to the Stargate,” Sheppard said quietly, his chest heaving from the mad dash to freedom he and his team had made. Thankfully, they seemed to have lost the unfriendly natives.

“Hang tight? Major, do I have to remind you that THEY have all our gear, which includes not ONLY our weapons but our food and water?” McKay snapped, after gulping enough air to replenish his taxed lungs. He was leaning heavily on another rock, their location was like a natural fortress surrounded by boulders and trees. 

“There was a stream not that far from here,” Teyla panted. “I saw it when we were running up here.” 

“See…there you go,” Sheppard smirked, already tired and annoyed at McKay’s griping and bitching. Sometimes he managed to find it amusing, but not at the moment. “Water for everyone,” he added, shifting slightly so he could get to his knees and peer around the large rock he was resting on. He wanted to check again if there were any sign of the natives closing in on them or if they had truly lost them for the moment. 

“Might I remind you, Major that SOME of us, need more than just water…” McKay started. 

“You can live for a week, possibly two, without food,” Sheppard tossed out over his shoulder, trying to ignore McKay’s whining. “Any sign of them?” he asked Lieutenant Aiden Ford.

“Nothing so far, sir,” Ford replied, also kneeling behind one of the many boulders that were serving as their shelter at present. 

“Hello, hypoglycemic here, Major, or did you forget that little tid-bit?” McKay snapped with irritation. 

“Enough, McKay,” Sheppard snapped back, feeling the pressure of the situation bearing down on him and he didn’t need McKay’s mouth at the moment. If it wasn’t for the fact that he’d seen how useful Rodney McKay could be, he wouldn’t have placed him on his team. Rodney had come through for them, all bitching and moaning aside, but right now Sheppard had had enough. “If you were that bad, you’d never have been allowed through the gate,” he added, and then took a deep breath; for he saw his words hit McKay like a slap. “Look,” he said, shifting to face McKay. “It’s only going to be a few hours, perhaps a day or so at most. Weir will send a rescue team after we miss our check in, so, in the meantime, we’ll just have to make due, all right?” he asked, making it sound like they had a choice, but they all knew they didn’t. 

Rodney McKay looked at Major Sheppard with a harsh glare, then folded his arms over his chest, grateful he still had his jacket, “fine,” was all he said. 

“Good,” Sheppard said with a forced smile. “We’ll rest here for a few moments to catch our breath and then we’ll make our way towards that stream. Keep your eyes open for anything that might be useful, weapons, FOOD,” he said looking at McKay, knowing he was antagonizing the man a bit, but really, he made it so easy. “Once we get some water, we’ll find some shelter and get some rest. We will each take a shift on watch. Once we’re rested we’ll start to make our way back toward the Stargate.” 

“Sounds like a plan, sir,” Ford agreed, shifting his hat, glad that the natives had let them keep their clothes. 

“I agree, but we must be cautious, the natives will know that we’ll be attempting to get back to the Stargate,” Teyla advised. 

“True, but if we time it right, we might be able to meet up with Bates and his teams,” Sheppard replied, knowing it all was a bunch of long shots, but again, they had little choice. 

After about twenty minutes and still no sign of the locals, the team headed towards the river, which was a trek in itself. The ground was far from smooth and they had to climb down and up a large ravine before they finally reached the river. By the time they settled at the riverbank, they all were tired and McKay looked ready to pass out. Sheppard was concerned, so when Teyla and Ford were taking their watch, he decided to go check on his scientist, who had chosen to sulk in what served as a corner of their riverbank, by a large fallen tree. As he approached, he heard it…the sound of a wrapper. Sheppard picked up his pace and as he was upon McKay he reached out and turned him around, and caught him in the midst of taking a bite into a power bar. “FOOD!” he growled. 

McKay had the decency to look guilty. “It’s…ah…just a power bar…I keep some for…” he began, but Sheppard cut him off. 

“Some…meaning you have more?” he asked, angry that McKay would hold out on them like this. “We’re ALL tired and HUNGRY, and you’re HORDING food?” he snapped, as he reached out with his other hand and hauled Rodney to his feet and began searching him. 

“What are you doing?” McKay cried out in shock and surprise. It quickly dawned on him that Sheppard was looking for his power bar stash. “Get off me,” he snarled, but Sheppard ignored him and began pulling out the other three bars he had on him. “Those are mine, Carson…” 

“Save it, McKay,” Sheppard spat coldly. “You’ve got one, be glad I let you keep it,” he said and stormed off, tossing a bar to Ford and Teyla, who looked glad for the food and angry at McKay for holding out on them. 

“You don’t understand,” McKay said, feeling the need to justify his actions of keeping his power bars to himself. “I missed breakfast because there was a power outage in Lab Three that needed to be fixed, and I just finished before the briefing, and then you kept me busy with…” 

Sheppard whirled around and glared at McKay. “I said, save it!” He was teetering on whether or not he’d keep McKay on his team after this little stunt.

“I haven’t eaten today,” McKay protested, as if that was clear justification. 

“Trust me, McKay, if anyone here can stand to lose a few pounds, it’s you,” Sheppard said, then turned his back on the slapped expression on McKay’s face and went to stand by Ford. He saw the mixed expression on Teyla’s face, for she was like that, wanting to feel for McKay and his whining, but he knew she also understood about holding out, when the team was in need. Ford seemed pleased with Sheppard’s verbal slap to McKay, and that made John feel even better about his actions. 

McKay was devastated, for until now, he believed that Sheppard understood. Now he realized he was only being humored. Seeing the anger of the others, he realized they wouldn’t understand either, and he was on his own in this situation. They obviously didn’t care that Carson was the one that suggested he keep them hidden in his jacket should such a need arise. And yes, Sheppard was right, if his hypoglycemia was that bad, he WOULDN’T be allowed through the gate, but he was forgetting two things. One, until the Atlantis mission, Rodney had NEVER been through the gate and now due to the situation at hand, and the fact that his hypoglycemia was considered ‘mild’ under ‘normal’ circumstances, it was being overlooked to allow him to do what was needed. But again, he could tell, no one here was interested in the facts, just that he was ‘hording’ power bars. 

Anger getting the best of him, McKay placed the remains of his power bar away, knowing he’d have to make it last to hold off the hypoglycemia, as well he could. He was already feeling the beginnings of tremors, which was why he was eating in the first place. He’d inform Sheppard, but why bother. He went back to his log and sat down and for a change was quiet, as he didn’t want to talk with his ‘team’ nor did it seem they wanted to talk with him, so quiet seemed the best option for now. 

*****

Sheppard wasn’t happy about their slow progress, but at least it was progress and they had managed to continue to evade the natives that were still looking for them. The only good thing, besides not getting caught, had been McKay keeping his mouth shut. But as the time passed, it was becoming nerve racking, which didn’t make a lot of sense to him. He was irritated that McKay bitched and griped almost non-stop, but now that he was quiet, he discovered that bothered him twice as much. It felt…unnatural. 

“Major,” Teyla said, with quiet concern. 

Sheppard turned to look at her, and saw there was a lot of worry on her face. “What’s up?” 

“I am concerned for Doctor McKay. Besides his lack of…vocal expression, he has become more complacent and a moment ago, when I went to speak with him, he seemed…unfocused.” 

That didn’t sound like the Rodney McKay he knew. With a nod, he moved from his spot to where McKay was sitting, staring upward at the canopy of trees above. He was still angry with the man but he was responsible for ALL his people, including McKay. “Are you okay?” he asked as he squatted down in front of the man who seemed oblivious to him being there. “McKay,” he said, and reached out and tapped his shoulder, which got his attention. 

“Major?” McKay said, as if he just noticed him. He folded his arms around his chest and looked away again. 

Sheppard was about to snap at him but then he noticed it. McKay’s eyes looked really bright, almost glassy, and he thought he saw McKay’s hands shaking. Reaching out, he placed his hand on McKay’s forehead. “Oh crap,” he swore, for McKay was clammy…shocky, possibly with a fever too. “McKay,” he said, once more just getting his attention. “What’s wrong?” he asked, though deep down he was afraid he knew exactly what was wrong. 

“Hmm?” McKay said, then after what looked like a monumental effort focused. “Time to move again?” he mumbled, though he made no effort to get up, instead he curled up more, as if freezing cold. 

“McKay…Rodney…” Crap, he thought as he saw another tremor course through McKay’s body. “Rodney…buddy,” he said, trying another tactic. “What are the signs and symptoms of hypoglycemic shock?” he asked, needing to know. “RODNEY,” he said more firmly, needing the man to focus. 

“Hmm?” Rodney said again, and then once more fought to focus. 

“What are the signs and symptoms of hypoglycemic shock?” Sheppard asked, already knowing he was seeing some. 

“Um…sweating, fatigue…um…disturbed or qualitative impairment of consciousness,” McKay said, his eyes shifting from side to side, as if trying to visualize the words he was saying. “Body tremors…um…tachycardia, that’s ah…elevated heartbeat or palpitations,” he said, his eyes finally meeting Sheppard’s. “There is also, increasing weakness…nausea…dizziness.” McKay then licked his lips, “Tingling of the lips, blurred vision…um…drooling, mood changes…trembling…wait…wait, I said that already,” McKay said, sounding frustrated at his lack of focus. “I thought this planet was in its summer…its damn cold,” he said, pulling his jacket closer around his shaking body. 

“Rodney, focus, is there anything else…about hypoglycemic shock I should know?” Sheppard asked, kicking himself for not learning more about the condition already. He took for granted that Beckett wouldn’t let Rodney through the gate if there was a medical condition like this, or say something…but then why should he have said something, when Rodney McKay made it clear to everyone what was what about him? Damn, this was so his fault. 

“Shock…ah…one should eat when hungry, um…” McKay was too unfocused to notice the guilt on Sheppard’s face as he spoke. “Sometimes there’s a tight feeling around the head….then….um…” 

“Treatment, McKay, what’s the treatment…?” Sheppard asked, but again, he knew, but he hoped deep down he was wrong or that McKay had something up his sleeve. Then it occurred to John Sheppard, that McKay DID have something up his sleeve to deal with this situation and he’d taken it from him. “Crap,” he swore again. “What happens if you don’t eat?” he asked instead, and then gently gave McKay a shake to get his attention, as the man was the only expert on this condition at the moment. “Come on, Rodney, what happens if it’s not treated?” 

“M…more a…ad…advanced,” McKay started to say, his speech a bit sluggish, but not slurred. “Uncontrollable sh…shaking, soon…soon followed by…convulsions, seizures…um…possible chest pain or heart attack or…or…they be…become unconscious, then…then coma, then...” McKay trailed off as his body began to shake some more. 

“McKay…Rodney…then what?” Sheppard asked, but he wasn’t stupid, he knew what then meant, and if he didn’t act soon, then would become a whole lot sooner. 

“So, he was telling the truth, sir?” Ford asked his own concern and guilt clear in his voice and on his face. 

“Yeah,” Sheppard said, knowing he had to push the guilt aside, and focus on getting McKay back to Atlantis ASAP or at least get him some food to stave off the worst of what was happening to McKay’s body. It was difficult pushing his guilt aside, for now he felt lower than dirt, taking McKay’s power bars like that, but then he hadn’t believed him when McKay had said he was hypoglycemic, and if he’d just had a bit of faith in his team member, instead of thinking the worst of him. Hell, he of all people knew McKay had proven to be many things; a liar was NOT one of them. He really should have known better, but all he had seen was McKay hording food, and hadn’t given a damn at the time the reason behind it. He shook his head in disgust, so much for being a good commanding officer and taking care of his people. “We need to get him back to Atlantis,” he said over his shoulder to Teyla and Ford. 

“Doctor McKay doesn’t appear to be in condition to continue our trek to the gate, Major. It will be difficult, especially with avoiding being captured,” Teyla said. 

Crap, double crap, John was thinking as he closed his eyes and pushed his brain to come up with a solution, but there was only one that made any sense. “Okay, you and Ford, help me get him someplace where he and I will keep low and out of the locals’ hands, and you two hoof it back to the gate as fast as you can,” Sheppard ordered

“Sir, I don’t mean to sound…” Ford hesitated, before speaking more. 

“What?” Sheppard said, just keeping the snap out of his tone as he turned to face his 2IC. 

“Well, my grandmother’s sister had problems similar to this, and she kept sugar pills or something like that with her…” Ford said, hoping Sheppard knew he was only trying to help, 

“Glucose pills,” Sheppard said with a hopeful smile, and turned back to McKay who was still shaking and appeared a bit out of it. “McKay…Rodney, do you have any glucose pills?” he asked, wondering where the man would have kept them. “McKay!” 

“Hmm?” McKay said, blinking and once again, forcing himself to focus. “What?” 

“Glucose pills…do you…” Sheppard asked again. 

“No…some…some bureaucratic idiot, um…thought they were a waste of funding and space…and, and…um…they cut them from Carson’s shipment…That’s…that’s why…the, um…the extra…bars,” Rodney explained. “Major…John…I don’t feel so well,” McKay said, suddenly looking like a small child that was seriously sick with a fever or something. 

“I know, buddy, I know,” Sheppard said, gently reaching out and cupping McKay’s face, in an act of comfort, not thinking about how much he wanted to hug him and tell him how sorry he was for not listening to him. 

Sheppard turned back and saw the guilt and slight anger on the faces of his teammates and knew they were feeling like he was, guilty at themselves for eating the power bars, angry that they took them in the first place and probably angry at him for taking them from McKay. “Okay, let’s get him up…closer to the river, he’s got a bit of a fever…I think,” Sheppard said as he and Ford moved to help McKay up to his feet as Teyla led the way, scouting out a place for Sheppard and McKay to hold out, while she and Ford went for help. 

Thankfully, it didn’t take long for them to find what looked like a small hollowed area near the embankment of a small hillside, that could be easily covered, to provide protection for Sheppard and McKay, and was close to the river. Sheppard didn’t think the river water was helping McKay’s condition, as it could be loaded with bacteria, but it couldn’t be the cause as they had all drank from it and only McKay was ill. “I need your jackets’,” he said, removing his own, laying it on the ground so McKay wasn’t lying directly on the cold dirt. He took Teyla’s and placed it under McKay’s head and then took Ford’s and used it as a blanket. “Hurry,” he said, for he had a gut feeling McKay…Rodney, was in serious trouble and didn’t have much time. 

“We will,” Teyla promised and with a shared look, she and Ford hurried off towards the gate, leaving Sheppard and McKay alone to wait and pray. 

Sheppard sat close to McKay, absently stroking his hair, trying to push the guilt aside, so he could focus, but seeing the man suffering wasn’t helping. “Teyla and Ford went for help, it’ll be okay,” he said, knowing full well, that it was probably a lie, but didn’t know what else to do. The only way there would be help would be if Teyla and Ford ran into the rescue team as they didn’t have their GDO’s, and Sheppard wondered what the odds of that was, and didn’t like the answer. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, “I should have listened…I should have…” He shook his head, this wasn’t helping. “You need water and food,” he said, seeing McKay turning to his side and curling up, looking like he was cold. “Okay, okay,” he mumbled to himself knowing he had to do something, as he pulled his t-shirt out and since he didn’t have any other material to use, ripped some of it from the hem to use as a wash cloth 

“Always…always got to…to lose the shirt…” McKay said in a shaking voice. “Such…such a…Kirk.” 

Sheppard couldn’t believe it, the man was possibly dying and instead of the massive bitch and gripe session he would normally give when healthy, he was now making jokes. Such a McKay thing to do…which was never what people expected, unless it’s pull a miracle out of thin air at the last minute. “Yeah, well, there aren’t any alien women around, so I guess I’ll have to settle for you,” Sheppard smirked in reply, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “I’m going to get some water, I’ll be right back…I promise.” 

Sheppard was halfway out of their little cubbyhole, “John…” Sheppard stopped and turned and went back to McKay. “I’ll be back, Rodney, I promise,” he said, again not thinking about the caress he placed on McKay’s cheek. “Rest,” he said and then headed out. 

Sheppard headed carefully down to the river and soaked the cloth, knowing he’d have to make more than one trip, as they didn’t have anything to use as a container. Once the cloth was dripping, he cupped it in his hands and hurried carefully back to McKay. “Here,” he said, and placed the cloth to McKay’s lips and wrung it a little so the water exited the cloth into his mouth. He was pleased to see McKay swallowing it. “Do you need more?” he asked, and wasn’t sure if the shake of the head was a no or a tremor. “I’ll get more,” he said and hurried back outside. 

Once again he was soaking the cloth, and looked around, wondering if there was something else he could do for McKay. He knew that he shouldn’t be giving a person in shock anything, but he couldn’t just do nothing, and perhaps the water would help. As he turned to head back, something caught his eye. At first he thought it might be one of the natives, but as he looked closer it appeared to be some small creature in one of the trees on top of the hill. Slowly, Sheppard moved to investigate, thinking, small creature equals food. Of course once he was close enough to see the small squirrel-like animal, it saw him and dashed away. Sheppard wasn’t looking at it anymore but had refocused his attention on the small nuts on the tree the tiny animal had been occupying. “Thanks buddy,” Sheppard grinned and began to gather some of the nuts, praying they’d be edible. He’d know soon enough, as he broke one open and saw it resembled a tiny walnut. He nibbled on one and found it tasted just like one and ate the rest. “Hope you’re not allergic to nuts,” Sheppard said to himself, as he went back to gathering, and strained his brain to see if McKay ever mentioned having an allergy to nuts. 

***************

“Come on, McKay,” John said, as he tried to get Rodney to eat one of the tiny walnuts as he called them, but the man was either not with it or simply refused. “Its food, McKay…Rodney. Please,” he pleaded, feeling how clammy McKay’s skin was becoming. 

Realizing that McKay wasn’t going to cooperate, Sheppard sat back and knew he needed another tactic. “Okay, you don’t want to eat them like a grown-up, I’ll just have to feed you like a baby,” he stated firmly. He turned and gathered the now unshelled nuts that were in another segment of his t-shirt and tied up the ends, and then got a rock the size of his fist and began to smash the nuts, over and over again. Once he was satisfied that he had powdered nut, he took the wet cloth he was using to give Rodney some water and dripped some into the powdery substance, making a nutty type paste. “There,” he said with some pride in his handy work. He then ran his index finger into the paste and placed it inside Rodney’s mouth, which was open and drooling a bit. “Bite my trigger finger and I’ll never be able to protect you from the Wraith again...much less the lady scientists during their time of the month,” John teased, and placed the paste just behind his lips, trying to avoid McKay’s teeth. 

Sheppard heard McKay groan, be it from some kind of pain or from what he just did he didn’t know. “Come on, Rodney, please,” he coaxed, really getting worried. He almost shouted for joy when he saw McKay slowly work his mouth and swallow the nutty paste, especially when it was followed by a little “mmm” sound. “More?” Sheppard asked, but he wasn’t really going to give McKay a choice and slowly began to feed the paste to Rodney, careful that the nuts weren’t too big, and to give him the wet cloth for some water. 

After a minute, Sheppard shifted everything, and got McKay’s head resituated so it was leaning on his shoulder, as John leaned on the dirt wall. This way, he could lend McKay some body heat, while feeding him and making sure he didn’t choke.

McKay had managed about half of the nut paste before he no longer responded to Sheppard. It was then that John began to panic. “McKay….Rodney,” he said quietly, as he shook him a little to see if the man would respond, but he didn’t. Not sure what more he could do, he used the damp cloth to wipe McKay’s mouth clear of the last bit of paste, and held him, unaware that he was rocking him back and forth. “It’ll be okay, Rodney, just hang on, it won’t be long now,” he said, praying in his heart his words were true. 

As Sheppard sat there, holding Rodney, he began to wonder if he should turn themselves over to the natives, that they would have food, but dismissed it immediately because McKay was in no condition to eat any of it. 

A sound outside caught his attention and he froze, holding his own breath, wondering who it was. He knew he wasn’t in any position to do much about who or whatever it was. 

“Major,” came Beckett’s Scottish brogue and Sheppard thought it sounded like heaven. 

“See, I told you it would be all right,” he told the unconscious McKay, and lowered him down. “In here,” he called out. 

The branches of dead trees they were using to cover their mini-cave were pushed aside and Carson Beckett entered with a flashlight and medical bag, followed by Teyla and Ford. Sheppard could see other soldiers remaining outside. “Am I ever glad to see you,” Sheppard said, as he moved aside to let Beckett have access to McKay. 

“How long has he been unconscious?” Becket asked with concern as he went right into triage mode. 

“Five minutes, no more than ten at most…I…ah…well,” Sheppard hesitated and this got Becket’s attention. 

“What is it, Major?” Becket asked, never stopping his evaluation of McKay. 

“This,” he said, holding up what was left of the nut paste he made. “I found something that looked like a mini-walnut. I ate one, they tasted like one…” 

“You fed him alien nuts?” Becket asked, his tone questioning as if Sheppard himself was nuts. 

“It was the only food around,” Sheppard protested. 

“What about his power bars…” Beckett began to ask, but cut himself off to refocus on McKay’s blood pressure. “Never mind,” he said as he pulled out a special IV that he had prepped just before leaving in case it was needed, and it seemed it was. He began to treat McKay, no longer concerned at the moment about the minor details. “We need to get him on the stretcher,” he said over his shoulder. 

Sheppard and Teyla exited the already cramped area to allow two other members of the medical team in. The space was so confined that even one of them had to step back outside. It didn’t take that long before they had Rodney loaded and all of them were heading to the jumper that was nearby with another team of Marines should they be needed. 

****************

Just over two hours passed as the small group in the waiting area of the infirmary, grew by several more. Now, besides Sheppard’s team, there were Weir, Zelenka, and Miko. Even Bates and his team were hanging around to find out if McKay was going to be okay. 

Sheppard was the first to move forward when Beckett came over, having ordered the group to wait on the other side of the infirmary to avoid getting in the way. “How is he?” 

“It’ll be a few days, but he’ll be fine,” Beckett said, looking relieved. 

Sheppard knew others were smiling in relief as well, but his wasn’t reaching his eyes. “Just…you know, how close was it?” he asked, needing to know. 

“It was bad, but…I have to apologize, Major. It seems those nuts gave his body enough natural sugar to prevent a coma…” Beckett said. 

“Don’t thank me,” Sheppard snapped, but it was clear he wasn’t angry at the doctor. “If it wasn’t for me, he wouldn’t…” he squared his shoulders, knowing he had to let them know what happened. “I didn’t believe him when he said he was hypoglycemic. I figured if he had something like that he wouldn’t be allowed through the gate…” 

“Rodney’s never gone through the gate before, Major,” Weir said, as she moved closer to find out what all happened besides the natives turning unfriendly. “He fought tooth and nail to be a part of this exposition. His unique qualities in multiple fields made him the perfect candidate to head the Science Department…he wasn’t meant to go on missions…” 

“Then why is he?” Sheppard snapped, looking angrily at Weir and Beckett, though he knew it was himself he was truly angry at. 

“Major, Rodney’s hypoglycemia is considered mild and easily handled by diet. That’s why he carries extra power bars, should something happen and the food in his pack isn’t enough. Though to be honest, it would take more than a few hours…” Becket began. 

“I took them,” Sheppard said, his head bowed in shame. 

“What?” Weir asked, not quite believing what Sheppard said. 

“I said I took them…I found him eating one and felt he was holding out on us…I took the other three…” Sheppard explained. 

“We are ALL guilty of neglecting his needs,” Teyla said, taking responsibility for her own part. “Major Sheppard gave one to each of us, and I admit, though I have never heard of such a thing, I should have taken to heart Doctor McKay’s words, more than I did. For that, I am truly sorry, and I only hope, Doctor McKay will forgive me.” 

“Yeah, me too,” Ford said, feeling lower than low. “It’s just…he bitches about everything all the time…I just…thought it was just…you know, something he said, to bitch about…” Ford tried to explain. 

Beckett folded his arms over his chest, looking angry. “Rodney McKay may be a royal pain in the arse, but he’s never, ever lied. Exaggerate, perhaps, but never lied, and I’d think you all should know that. And Major, I would have suspected, if you didn’t believe him, you would simply have come and asked me.” 

“You’re right, Doc,” Sheppard said, feeling properly chastised, though until McKay had his pound of flesh, it wouldn’t be nearly enough. He lifted his head up and faced Weir. “I placed someone on my team unnecessarily in danger. Since I can’t report myself to myself, I’ll have to report to you…I’m sure Sergeant Bates will be glad to advise you on procedure on such matters.” 

“I don’t think that’ll be necessary,” Weir began. 

“Yes, it is,” Sheppard said firmly. 

Weir, knowing John Sheppard as she did, nodded. “I’ll tell you what. Once Rodney comes around and is up for visitors, I’ll discuss it with him…” 

“His opinion in this matter, doesn’t count. I’m the commanding officer, I screwed up,” Sheppard protested. 

“Yes…yes you did. And…” Weir stretched. “…since you said it was up to ME, then that is my choice. In the meantime, I’m ordering you and EVERYONE to get something to eat, a shower and to get some rest.”

“Aye, I’m with you there, there’s nothing more you can do tonight. He’ll probably be up for visitors in the morning,” Carson said and then began to shoo everyone out of his infirmary. After they were gone, he realized that he was angry with Major Sheppard, but he couldn’t be as angry as he wanted, for the truth was, he himself had also let Rodney McKay down. When Major Sheppard didn’t approach him about McKay’s medical status, he should have gone to Sheppard and made SURE, the man was briefed on it and prepared should either anaphylactic or hypoglycemic shock occurred…and he hadn’t. He just assumed with Rodney’s mouth, Sheppard would know all he needed…he wouldn’t assume such things again. He was just glad such a lesson hadn’t come at too high a price. 

***************************

John couldn’t sleep and wasn’t all that surprised that he found himself sitting at McKay’s bedside, watching the man sleep. His face had its color back, and except for the monitors and the IV, he looked like he was simply sleeping. He wasn’t just sleeping though, he was recovering, because he, John Sheppard, great judge of character, couldn’t extend a little belief to his team member…his friend, for that was what Rodney McKay had become to him. 

It was odd, the two of them were such opposites and yet in some strange way, very much alike. They were both passionate and focused on what was important to them. They both wanted to protect the folks here in Atlantis, and both were willing to give 200 percent of themselves if not more, when the time came for it. Hell, he could still remember seeing McKay walking into that cloud creature, not sure if the little body shield would protect him…it was the most stupid, most bravest thing he’d ever seen. It was then he’d decided he wanted McKay on his team instead of one of the other scientists, regardless of Weir’s recommendations. It wasn’t that she didn’t believe in McKay’s capabilities, she just didn’t think they could work well together…now that he thought about it, there did appeared to be something else, but he hadn’t pushed to find out why she’d hesitated, but…it really didn’t matter anymore. McKay WAS on his team, he was in charge and it was HIS responsibility. As Theodore Roosevelt once said, the BUCK stopped here…with him. 

“I’m sorry, Rodney,” he said in a whisper, as he placed a hand on McKay’s. “As strange as it may sound, you’re probably my best friend here, and I treated you so badly…I could have killed you. I…” Sheppard didn’t know what more to say. He wanted to promise McKay that he would never get hurt, but that would be a promise he couldn’t make. “I’ll have more faith in you,” he promised, for that WAS something he could do. He also could make sure, that as long as he was around, McKay was looked after. 

Sheppard, felt tired and finally rested his head on the bedside, and fell asleep, never seeing the blue eyes that opened slightly, nor did he feel the hand that caressed his hair, before both men got lost in dreams of a better day. 

**************

It had been a week since the mission that had landed him in this hell of an infirmary, and during the last few days, he’d bitched, griped and anything possible, to get Carson Beckett to let him out. McKay was bored and more than ready to get back to work. Plus, he needed to be alone…without nurses and their squeaky shoes, traipsing around all day and night, to think. During the day, he got lots of visitors, Zelenka kept him appraised of things happening in the lab, Miko snuck him in good coffee, Teyla brought him fresh non-citrus fruit, and Ford brought him some games on a non-work capable laptop. Beckett had Zelenka make sure he couldn’t do any work on it; bastard! Even Weir came by twice, once for ‘official’ business and once to see how he was doing. The only one who didn’t come by during the day was Major Sheppard. 

It was the chocolate that he found every morning that let him know he wasn’t hallucinating the nightly visitor, who sat with him quietly, then vanished in the early hours of morning. It also was the reason he wasn’t too angry that Major Sheppard hadn’t visited while awake, though he did wonder why. He had a few theories but made an effort to not really think about any of them. In the long run, it was probably a good thing, as he really didn’t know what to say to Sheppard. He’d given what had happened a lot of thought and found he didn’t really like the conclusions he came to. He was a scientist, and as much as he hated it, one couldn’t ignore facts. 

Elizabeth entering to visiting him this morning had been perfect timing as far as he was concerned. He spoke with her again, and she wasn’t too pleased at what he had to say, but she finally accepted it; not that he gave her much of a choice. Carson said if his blood work came back normal in the afternoon, he’d let him go back to his room and thus here he was, in his room with the peace and quiet he wanted. He should really be more careful of what he wished for. 

************

John squared his shoulders as he entered Elizabeth’s office. He saw the warm diplomatic smile and wondered how bad this was going to be. He had submitted his official report, not leaving any details out, and wondered if she was reconsidering him remaining in command of the military in Atlantis. Sadly, he was the highest ranking officer, you’d think there would have been at least one Lt. Colonel in the group sent, but no, none. Sheppard was sure it was the fault of the universe with its warped sense of humor that was behind that oversight. “Doctor Weir,” he greeted, sounding very reserved, as he needed the formality to take whatever was coming down the pike at him for his negligence. 

“Please, John, have a seat,” Weir said, breaking the formal wall between them immediately. Once she saw John sit, his back straight, his eyes walled up in preparation for the worst, she began. “I went over all the reports, spoke with every member of your team, as I promised, including Rodney and…” she paused and clasped her hands before her and placed them on the desk, before leaning forward slightly. “John, Rodney said it was his fault his condition got out of hand, that it was he that put the team in danger…” 

“That’s ridiculous,” John protested. “I was the one who didn’t take him seriously about his condition…” 

Elizabeth held up a hand to forestall the rest of what John had to say. “I agree there was…some fault, which could be laid at your door, Major, but no more than I would have to lay at my own. I WAS aware of Rodney’s medical condition and after a lot of thought and some discussion with Carson, I allowed him to go through the gate. But even he admits he let his condition get away from him, by not eating the day before and missing meals the day of the mission as well…” 

“He wanted breakfast but I kept him busy, making sure he had everything he’d needed, and that he was properly armed…” John cut in. 

Elizabeth leaned back into her chair. “I think there’s plenty of blame to go around, which is why I’ve recommended no action be taken officially…” 

John blinked and then gasped, “But…but…” 

“That’s my official stand on the matter, John,” Elizabeth cut him off. “As for unofficially, we both know you’ve punished yourself more than enough, but there is a more important matter to discuss.” 

“More important?” John asked, as he was still puzzled about the outcome of this meeting. 

“Yes,” Elizabeth said, her expression now turning serious. “Rodney blames himself for what happened…” 

“I told you, I took his power bars…” John reiterated, not satisfied about how things were going. 

“John, he’s resigned from the team. He feels he placed the team in danger…” Elizabeth told him. 

“It was me…” John tried once more. 

“Well, I personally think you’re BOTH a little at fault, just like Carson and I have our own contributions to this mess. Bottom line, he’s quit, and nothing I said changed his mind...” 

“I’ll talk with him,” John started, but saw Elizabeth shake his head. “What?” 

“I think it’s best he NOT go through the gate after all,” Weir declared, her tone soft, but the meaning firm. “In fact, I think it was a mistake to have let him go in the first place. He’s head of the Science Department and needed here. Plus, as we’ve now seen, his condition, though mild over all, can become fatal out there…so, I’m afraid, you’ll have to choose someone else for your team. Rodney’s made a few recommendations,” she said, shifting to grab up a disk, which contained the files of the scientists McKay had recommended, and handed it over to John. 

“I don’t WANT another scientist, I WANT McKay,” John said coolly, angry that McKay would just abandon ship…per se…like this without even discussing it with him. 

“I’m sorry, Major,” Weir said, bringing back the wall of formality between them again with cool ease. “That’s not going to happen.” 

Sheppard got up from his chair, looking very ticked, and took the disk from Weir’s hand, avoiding any harsh gestures, as he was furious with her as well. “I’ll accept it…for now,” he said as he turned to leave, not waiting to see if she was done. He had a scientist to speak to!

*****************

Speaking to Rodney hadn’t been as easy as he thought it would be, especially since McKay was proving to be quite good at hide and seek. Rodney always managed NOT to be where he had been moments earlier when John had checked. John even staked out McKay’s room but to no avail. Finally, after three days, John decided to forego the conversation for a few days and let the subject rest…but not go forgotten. 

John chose Doctor Natalie Simpson to go with him through the gate, as she was at the top of the list, well second to Radek Zelenka, but the man refused to go, so she was the next best choice. She was a smart woman, in fair shape, and didn’t gripe at all; funny how that bothered him. On their first mission, she proved useful, on their second, she proved resilient as they carried her bloodied body back through the gate, barely hanging on to life. 

“What happened?” demanded Rodney as he stormed into the infirmary, having just received word that one of his scientists was badly hurt. 

“We are not sure,” Teyla replied, casually, yet not so casually moving between McKay and Sheppard. “We found a cave that held what may have been a lab to one of the Ancestors. We were exploring it when a strange sound filled the air…” 

“It was some kind of warning,” Ford interjected. “Lights kept blinking off and on…it was crazy”. 

“Why didn’t you get the hell out of there?” McKay demanded, looking at Sheppard with anger and accusation. 

“Well, it was kind of hard with the door sealed closed,” Sheppard snapped, not caring for Rodney’s allegations. He was already feeling bad enough that he hadn’t been able to protect the woman. “She was working on one of the panels…it exploded…” 

“Lieutenant Ford was able to, with the use of explosives, open hole in the door, through which we escaped. We got Doctor Simpson back to Atlantis as fast as we could. It did not help that the Wraith showed up towards the end. Thankfully, they did not seal off the gate,” Teyla explained 

Rodney lowered his eyes, he knew it wasn’t really John’s fault, but he was angry that one of his people was hurt. He just wasn’t sure if he was angry in general or at himself. He was Sheppard’s first choice to be out in the field, it should be he laying there, not holed up in his lab, like some…frail…coward. He looked up just as Carson Beckett exited through the doors that led to the surgical rooms. “How is she?” 

“She’s going to be fine…looked a lot worse than it was, thank God,” Carson sighed in relief. “She lost a lot of blood, but we have her hooked up to a transfusion. The internal bleeding was actually quite minor, but it was still a good thing you got her back when you did. She’ll be sore, in need of some physical therapy, and have some minor scarring on her abdomen and left arm, but she’ll be fine,” he smiled, glad to give good news. 

“Can I see her?” Rodney asked, not caring what anyone thought. He was concerned for her, and needed to see she was going to be all right. He knew folks thought of him as an ogre and an unfeeling bastard, but he did care; knew it would be better if he didn’t, but he couldn’t help it. 

“Not tonight, she’s still out and won’t be up for visitors until morning,” Carson told Rodney, then looked at the others, eyeing the small bandages on a few arms. “You all might want to get something to eat and get some rest. She’s fine,” he promised, and then shooed them out of his infirmary. 

Teyla and Ford exited first, leaving McKay and Sheppard to slink out slowly, both torn in their thoughts of what had happened. “I…I didn’t mean to accuse…” Rodney said, trying to apologize; it wasn’t his strong suit by far. 

“I know,” Sheppard said, as they made their way down the hall. “I did try…” he began. 

“I know,” McKay said quickly, for he knew without a doubt, John Sheppard would do nothing less than protect his people…unless it was him. Rodney chided himself for that thought the moment it entered his head, for it wasn’t Sheppard’s fault that his body was seriously flawed. It was probably the universe’s way of balancing out his genius brain, after all, but still at times like this…he hated it. 

Sheppard saw Rodney turning to go down another exit, and placed a hand on his shoulder to stop him. “Why did you quit?” he asked, his voice soft, his tone sincere. 

“You know why,” Rodney said honestly. “I placed the team in danger over something that SHOULD be easily under my control. But the fact is, I get caught up in what I’m doing, I forget to eat the way I’m supposed to…” Rodney turned and looked John in the eye. “I normally can go about two days without really eating anything before it gets that bad…I let it get away from me and then didn’t explain to you all the facts…” 

“No,” John shook his head. “I didn’t listen nor did I do what I should have done in the beginning and check with Carson to be sure of all the ins and outs of your medical conditions…I’m sorry I let you down.” 

“I let you down…and Simpson too, it seems,” Rodney said and pulled away from John and hurried down the hall, not wanting to continue the conversation. 

John stood there, torn on what he should do. He understood what Rodney had said and how he felt. He also knew his own role in all that transpired, but the real problem was what to do about it. He was a man of action, but he wasn’t opposed to deep thinking when it was needed either, not that he’d let anyone know that. 

John turned to head toward his own quarters, foregoing the mess hall, and thought over what had happened on the planet. He couldn’t be sure, but his gut told him, that had Rodney been there, the panel wouldn’t have exploded. Yes, he knew that was an unfair judgment against, Simpson, but he’d seen firsthand how Zen like Rodney was with alien technology, and no one came close to such skill or know how, which is one of many reasons he’d chosen Rodney McKay in the first place. So, this meant he needed...and wanted, Rodney back on his team. The question was how? Rodney was afraid of his own condition and John wasn’t sure how to address that…but before making a plan of action, John needed information. 

John turned around and headed back to the infirmary to speak to the one person who could fill him in on all he would need to know about hypoglycemic/anaphylactic shock. Once he had the recon done, he’d get some sleep and then form a plan. First to convince Rodney to come back, then Weir; he had a feeling the latter would be the easier of the two. 

****************

McKay was wiping his eyes, the glare from the laptop getting to him, as he had been staring at it for hours. Even though others were working on solutions to their power problems, he was in charge and if they failed, it was HIS failure and it would be him responsible for the two hundred some people that would die. He knew teams were still going through the gate, and this week had been anything but productive in the power department; though Bates’ team had managed to secure some food, which was good. 

Speaking of food, Rodney knew he should get up and go to the mess hall and get something to eat, instead of trying to exist on power bars, but his mind would chide him for laxing on the job, when he should be finding solutions. He opened his eyes and was reaching for his drawer, where he kept his stash of food, when Major Sheppard strolled in, carrying a tray of food in one hand, like a waiter. The smell of hot food and coffee made him drool. “Major?” he asked, wondering why he was here. “Did you get lost again?” he teased. 

“Nope, but I figured you did,” Sheppard said as he placed the tray down next to Rodney and took one of the two coffees for himself. “Eat,” he muttered, as he sipped his drink. 

Rodney blinked in surprise. “You brought me dinner?” 

“Didn’t see you in the mess, and no one has seen you since breakfast, so…taking care of my team,” Sheppard smirked. 

“But I’m not on your team,” Rodney said, but not letting that fact keep him from digging into the heated MRE John had brought for him. 

“You should be,” John said firmly, though his eyes remained warm as he spoke. 

“Major, we discussed this,” McKay said in a low voice, slowing down his eating. 

“No, you discussed it, I listened. Now, I know, and I’m fixing it…eat,” John said, placing down the rest of his coffee on Rodney’s tray, and looked at McKay until he took another bite. “Basically, it’s simple. You eat regularly, the ‘problem’ isn’t a problem…seems simple to me,” he smiled. 

“But…” Rodney said, his mouth full of food. 

“Ah…finish eating first,” John said, not wanting to have this debate. “I’ll be back for the tray,” he said and left, seeing the knowing and approving smirk on Radek Zelenka’s face as he left the lab. 

“This isn’t going to change things,” Rodney said quietly, forgetting for a moment that he wasn’t alone. 

“How do you know?” Zelenka challenged. “You said yourself, had you eaten regularly, that your hypoglycemia wouldn’t have become a problem. If the Major wants to become delivery boy, I don’t see the problem,” he chuckled. 

Rodney couldn’t help a small smile, as Zippy…Zenny…Dr. Z, whatever his name was, had a good point…to a degree. “But will it prevent it from becoming a problem out in the field again??” 

“I don’t know, but it seems Major Sheppard is willing to take that risk…seems to believe you are worth the risk to have on his team…I’d say be flattered…and eat,” Zelenak replied, then turned back to finish his own project. 

Rodney finished eating the MRE and drained not only his coffee cup, but what was left by the Major, not concerned about germs…after all military coffee could kill anything, it was that strong. He didn’t think it should matter, but he found he didn’t care for the idea of sitting here in his lab when others on his science team were out there putting their lives on the line. Sure he knew they probably would think he was jealous they’d make a discovery he wouldn’t and he was okay if they thought that way, but the image of a battered and bruised Simpson haunted his dreams. He didn’t know if things would have gone any better had he been there, but he knew one thing…he would rather it had been him than her…any of them; except Kavanaugh…but he liked the Major too much to subject him to that idiot who called himself a scientist. Rodney went back to work, feeling better and contemplating what Sheppard had said, unaware of the smile that crossed his face. 

*******************

It took a week of playing waiter to McKay, but he’d managed to keep Rodney well fed and as strange as it seemed, he looked forward to his visits to the lab. The man was obnoxious, arrogant, and funny as hell, so long as that sharp tongue wasn’t aimed at you; though John even took that in stride. Of course, John also realized this, about one minute after Zelenka asked him, just why HE continued to deliver Rodney’s meals, instead of having an Airman or Private do it. But now it was paying off, as Rodney had agreed to give going through the gate with him another chance, John had been sure he’d need another week or two and was glad to push up the time table. 

Convincing Weir had been difficult for all of five minutes, and that was before Rodney got started on why HE should be going through the gate, compared to others in his science department. John just sat back, folded his arms across his chest, and watched the steamroller flatten Weir with a deep sense of pride and joy. He would never be able to explain to anyone if they asked and it took all his discipline not to leap and shout for joy and stick his tongue out at Weir, when she caved under Rodney’s verbal siege.

Fourteen hours and twenty-three minutes later, John Sheppard had never been happier that he followed his gut and got McKay back on his team. Even though he read the report and knew it was a group effort, his gut told him, it was Rodney, who had made the difference of them retracting the Puddle Jumper’s sides in time before the gate closed and all were lost. Of course Ford had done his part too, but without the sides retracted, they would have all died…though technically he had died in order to get that Itratus bug off him. 

John had tried to say thank you, especially to Rodney, but the man just shrugged it off. So typical McKay; when he’s really just doing his job, the man wants to be center stage, but when he does something worthy of attention, he steps back and shirks it off like it was no big deal. McKay was anything but simple to understand. But John wasn’t going to let it go, he made sure that a chocolate treat found its way onto McKay’s tray at least twice a week for the next two weeks. He’d do more, but chocolate was like gold and you dished it out sparingly. 

It didn’t take long for them to fall into some sort of routine, John playing delivery or pick up man, depending if he was in the mood to hang around the labs or drag McKay off to the mess hall, which became more and more commonplace, for the team would then enjoy a meal or two together. Then shortly after Teyla was cleared by McKay of being a traitor to the Wraith, as accused by Bates, John introduced the practice of team night and things really got good, and remained good…until Chaya. 

On some level, John Sheppard knew that getting involved with the alien priestess was a mistake, not only because of McKay’s Kirk comments, but because of Rodney himself. He couldn’t admit those kinds of thoughts or have them and be in the Air Force, so he ignored his gut and got what he usually got when he did that…trouble. 

Things had been going so good between him and Rodney as well as the rest of the team, but now after Rodney turned out to be correct about Chaya; that she was an Ancient, one that couldn’t help them at all, whatever ground they seemed to have gained was lost, and John knew it was his own fault

“I’m sorry,” John tried to say to Rodney the next evening, giving the man a chance to simmer down, before visiting him at his quarters. But Rodney only glared at him and then closed the door in his face. “Well, that was rude,” he sighed to himself.

John had barely gotten three steps away when the door opened again and Rodney stormed out into the hall. “That all you have to say for yourself, I’m sorry?” he demanded, looking furious and possibly hurt. 

“Well, I did have more to say, but SOMEONE closed the door in my face,” John replied. 

“You’re lucky that’s all I closed in your face, you…you…lying…bastard!” Rodney snarled. 

Okay, John knew he was a jerk and was a real bastard to McKay, but liar? “Whoa, I haven’t lied about anything…” 

“What about your promise to believe in me? Where did that go…out the same window as your common sense or does it only apply when your chances of getting laid are not in the equation?” Rodney growled, folding his arms over his chest, daring Sheppard to rebut his statement. 

John had his mouth opened ready to deny making such a promise, but it all came crashing back in on him; he did make such a promise months ago during one of their early missions. John clamped his jaw shut, not sure what to say or what to do. Rodney was right…again. “Well, maybe if you didn’t come off so damn jealous, I might have listened more,” John heard himself say, wondering what possessed him to say that, but he was suddenly feeling defensive himself. He noted how Rodney’s face flushed, but he couldn’t really read the expression in McKay’s eyes as more anger flowed on top of whatever was there moments ago. 

“Oh yes, I’m jealous of the Pegasus Galaxy’s version of Captain Kirk, as if,” Rodney growled back. “The POINT is, YOU thought with what’s in your pants instead of what’s above your shoulders. Who is to say NEXT TIME, we’ll all be around to point out the errors of your ways…hmm?” 

“Chaya WASN’T the enemy…” 

“Nor was she what she pretended to be, Major…which IS the POINT. She was a FRAUD, a FAKE and that could have easily constituted into DANGER. As it was…YOU got lucky…twice it would seem,” Rodney said rather nastily. 

“I told you, DON’T go there, McKay,” John snarled. 

“Or what? You’ll hit me? Drop me from the team for being right?”

“My personal life…” John began. 

“Is your own so LONG as it doesn’t involve ALIENS, MAJOR!” Rodney shouted, both men ignoring the small crowd that was gathering down the hall. “Bottom line, Major, you put Atlantis and the rest of us in danger simply so you could get laid…” Rodney snapped. 

John had enough. It was bad enough Rodney was right; he most assuredly did NOT need the man rubbing it in. Without further thought, he stepped forward and DID punch McKay in the face, knocking the man on his butt. “Get up,” John snarled. 

“Why, so you can hit me again…go to hell, Major,” Rodney snarled from the floor, as he held his jaw. “You’re just pissed because you know I was right.”

John felt his fist closing up again, but this time, almost swung on the person who dared to touch him. He was lucky it was Teyla, who he wouldn’t hit without good reason and at least five minutes head start running time. 

“I am not sure what is going on, but I have my suspicions,” Teyla said in her firm, I don’t approve of this, voice. “Whatever it is, can wait until morning. Major, may I suggest you go to your quarters and rest and Doctor McKay, may I suggest you go to the infirmary and get Doctor Becket to look after your injury.” 

Rodney got to his feet, still holding his jaw and glared at John, but said nothing more, before storming past both Sheppard and Teyla and headed to the infirmary. His anger being enough to clear the hall ahead of him of any observers that didn’t want to face his wrath, then or later should he recall them partaking as witness to what had just occurred. 

John turned and watched the infuriating man storm off, then turned to see the strong disapproving look on Teyla’s face. “He had it coming,” he said, folding his arms over his own chest, feeling more defensive at the moment. Especially since he knew he’d screwed up again. 

“Physical violence is a last resort, Major. I know you know this. So, I can only conclude you did not wish to admit to something Doctor McKay said. Whatever occurred, this will hurt the team and you have stressed to me the importance of team…dynamics?” she asked, to be sure she had the correct word. Seeing Sheppard nod his head yes, she continued. “As I said, I can guess as to the nature of this…altercation. If I am correct, perhaps you should…consider what was said and your own actions on this matter. I will speak to Doctor McKay and advise the same. I would hate to see such a valued friendship come to an end over something like this,” she said. Then with a slight nod, she turned and headed back down the hall to her own quarters. 

John stood there for a long moment, then headed back to his own quarters and flopped down on the bed. Teyla was right; he needed to do some soul searching if he was going to fix this mess he’d gotten himself into. Unlike before, he had to face the problem, no running off or getting transferred or weekend benders to blow-off steam and forget. No, this was Atlantis, another galaxy, and HE was in charge, so…change of tactics was in order, along with a more…sincere apology. 

********************

Rodney entered the infirmary, holding his jaw, and demanded that Carson help him for he didn’t trust any of the others to help him properly. Plus, Carson was proving to be a friend, a real friend, not like certain Majors he could name. 

“What happened to you?” Carson demanded, seeing the bruise on Rodney’s face. 

Rodney was seconds away from telling him, when he realized if he did, and Carson reported it, Major Sheppard would be in serious trouble for striking a civilian. “On the record or off?” he asked instead. 

Carson paused in his exam of Rodney’s face, not expecting that question from McKay…ever. “I take it, it’ll be two different answers?” Carson said knowingly. Seeing the slight nod from Rodney he gave a deep sigh. “Off the record, so I can treat you properly, then you can fabricate all you like later.” 

“The Major hit me,” Rodney growled, suddenly feeling that perhaps he pushed things a bit too far with the man, especially since he had ‘tried’ to apologize. 

“What? Rodney, you can’t go around covering for the man over something like that,” Carson said with great concern. 

“Ah…I ah…” Rodney looked away now feeling the full brunt of his guilt. 

“Oh, Rodney, what did you do?” Carson asked, suddenly seeing things a bit more clearly. 

“He came to apologize and I…well, I was furious at him, and I may have um….said something along the lines that he put us all in danger so he could ah…get laid,” Rodney said, wincing at his own words, now that he was listening to what had come out of his own mouth. 

Carson shook his head. “I don’t think I have a crowbar big enough to get your foot out of your mouth for that one,” he said. He got an ice pack and shook it up before placing it on Rodney’s jaw, and motioned for Rodney to hold it. “We’ll take an x-ray, but I don’t think it’s broken. Rodney, what possessed you…” Carson didn’t know what to think of the man. He was a genius, but at times could be a true idiot. 

“I was angry that he blew me off again…meaning he wouldn’t listen to what I had to say, when it was important. He promised…” Rodney began, and then stopped, for he didn’t want to talk about this. His feelings for John Sheppard were his own business, and though the promise had at one time been something dear to him, it didn’t matter anymore. He realized then and there, Sheppard had been right, he HAD been jealous of Chaya. He was just glad that the man hadn’t put it together, then he’d really be in trouble and then probably he would be kicked off the team. Speaking of the team… 

“Do you think he’ll kick me off the team?” Rodney asked Carson. 

“I don’t think so, since technically; you have the upper ground, with him assaulting you. Though, you might want to reconsider being on the team if things are not working out between you,” Carson advised. “I mean, wasn’t it you who told me, that the key was you had to trust each other?” 

“Yeah,” Rodney nodded, feeling sick at heart suddenly. 

“Here, lay down. I’ll have the nurse come in and we’ll get the x-ray taken. In the meantime, rest and I’ll see about getting you something for the headache I can see coming your way,” Carson said, patting Rodney gently on his shoulder. “Whatever you do, just don’t rush into it…think about it, okay?” 

“Okay,” Rodney agreed, and closed his eyes, knowing he was not on his game, for he hadn’t once teased Carson about his voodoo. It seemed he was more upset about all this than he first thought. But Carson was right; he would need to think about what he was going to do, instead of just jumping to conclusions because when it came to John Sheppard, nothing was simple. 

**************

Rodney knew he had been partially forgiven when John showed up and wrangled him out of his lab for breakfast before the briefing. Rodney had returned the forgiveness with a bit of his own, by offering up one of his apple-cinnamon power bars, knowing they were John’s favorite; nothing more needed to be said. 

The mission itself was supposed to be a simple reconnaissance mission. Rodney wondered what was worse, that fact that it hadn’t turned out that way or that he hadn’t been all that surprised to be suddenly surrounded by two dozen natives with very sharp knives and bows. What did surprise Rodney was not that Teyla and Ford managed to get away, but that he and Sheppard were taken on a nice little stroll through the park, meaning, underground, then into another valley, before being led into another set of caverns and then tossed into a cell. He knew Teyla and Ford were good trackers, but even Sherlock Holmes would have trouble with that route and he told Sheppard so. 

“Just be glad we’re alive,” John said casually. “Teyla and Ford will get back to the gate and they’ll get help. All we have to do is wait it out and stay alive.” 

“Yeah…stay alive, easy for you to say. With your luck, the Chieftain’s daughter will pull a Pocahontas and you’ll be saved, while I’ll probably be roasted as the fat cow…” Rodney griped. 

John was torn between telling Rodney to shut up and laughing. He knew this was just the man’s way of dealing with stress, but really, he didn’t need to put ideas into anyone’s head. “Fat cow? You’re not fat…a bit overweight, but you’ve been losing a lot of weight and holding your own. I seriously think they’d be choosing poorly if they chose you to be the main meal.” 

“Ha, ha…” Rodney said, then turned and looked at John seriously for a moment. “You think I’m losing weight…really?” 

Sheppard had to laugh at that one, for it sounded like such a girl comment, but sounded so normal from McKay. “Yes, Rodney. Now, sit down and relax.” 

“Fine,” Rodney grumbled, and rubbed his hands over the long sleeves of his shirt. “I wish they hadn’t taken everything, especially our jackets,” he said as he sat on the hard stone floor then jumped to his feet. 

“What?” John asked with concern. 

“I…I…oh that’s just great. Of all the places to sit in this forsaken pit, I find the watering hole,” he groaned, showing John his now wet pants. 

“It’s dry over here,” John said, resisting making comments about Rodney’s wet pants. He could see the man was on edge and bantering was to be a distraction or fun, now was not the time for either. “It’s rather warm in here, so it’ll dry, plus…you found our water, so no worries about dying of thirst right?” 

“Your mother was a fairy or something, wasn’t she? Always looking on the bright side, glass half-full?” Rodney asked, folding his arms over his bent knees, which were curled to his chest. 

Sheppard would have been insulted had he not realized that Rodney didn’t mean it as such. “Well, I have been told I have pointed ears, so it’s possible…be kind of cool, don’t you think?” he grinned, seeing McKay’s face by what tiny bit of light flickered in from the many torches on the outside of their cell. 

“Well, then Mr. Elf…why don’t you zap us out of here…or make with the wings and fly us home…something,” Rodney snapped, but the mirth was little compared to what it was moments ago. 

“Sorry, no wings, that’s why I became a pilot. As for any zapping…you need to clap really hard and believe first,” John said as straight-faced as possible. 

Rodney looked at John for a long second and then laughed. “You saying you’re Tinkerbell?” he laughed, as did John. 

“I’d go more with Peter Pan, but hey, whatever works right?” John chuckled. 

Rodney laughed for a bit then calmed. “Thank you,” he said quietly, knowing that John had once again turned the ‘we’re dead’ to ‘we’re just hanging out’ with a few well placed jokes and comments. It was one of the many things he really liked about the man. 

“My pleasure. Now, since I don’t think we’ll be getting any room service or visitors tonight, as it’s gotten awfully quiet, why don’t you lay down and get some rest,” John suggested. 

“What about you?” Rodney asked with concern. 

“I’ll take first watch, how about that?” 

“Okay,” Rodney agreed, for he was feeling tired. He started to lie down, but John nudged him until he turned and saw John pat his lap. 

“You’ll be more comfortable and I won’t have to hear about your neck in the morning,” John said, but his smile eased any sting that may have been there, so Rodney nodded and gently rested his head on John’s lap and closed his eyes. Within minutes, he was asleep. 

*******************

Okay, this wasn’t good. They were on the tail end of Day Two without their captives bringing them any food and Rodney was now pacing, looking concerned. “Relax,” John said, trying to remain calm. “Teyla and…” 

“Ford are trying to find us, I KNOW,” Rodney snapped, then felt guilty for doing so. “Sorry, sorry, it’s just…” he shook his head. 

“I know what it is, McKay. You ate breakfast before we left and had all your meals before hand, you should be okay, but if you do start having symptoms, tell me…” John began. 

“Tell you…as if that would make a difference,” Rodney grumbled. 

“Actually…” 

Rodney stopped his pacing of his cell and looked at John as if he had grown a second head. “What are you not telling me?” he asked. 

John patted the ground next to him and waited until Rodney sat down. “After what happened a while back, I had a LONG talk with Carson. Since we don’t have any glucose pills on Atlantis, I had an even LONGER talk with biochemistry and between them and Carson, we came up with these,” he said and began to reach into the waistband of his pants. He pulled out a narrow thick piece of foil and unwrapped it. Inside were what looked like four red gum drops. 

“Gumdrops?” Rodney asked with surprise and skepticism.

“Suped up, gum drops, which is why I didn’t mention them right away. Carson said to only give you one if you start having serious symptoms, which is why I need to know. These things are loaded with sugar…won’t replace a meal, but will keep you going,” John said with a bit of pride in his voice 

Rodney was shocked. “I…I can’t believe…” he looked up at John, and saw the smile slip a bit. “You did this…for me?” he asked for he was so used to folks not taking him seriously or just simply not caring. This was more than touching; he didn’t know what to say. “Carson never said…I…Major…I…” 

“Try, thank you,” John said with a slight knowing grin. 

“Thank you, Major…” 

“John,” Sheppard said, feeling they’d earned being on a first-name basis after all the crap they’d been through together. 

“Thank you, John,” Rodney said, truly touched at John’s actions. 

“You’re welcome. As for Carson not saying anything, that was me…they were a back up and you know how it is, better to have it and not know or is it, not know and still have it…” John thought about it and then shrugged. “Sorry, seems missing a meal or two isn’t helping my brain either,” he grinned. 

“It’s not the meals; it’s the hair gel, it’s clogging up the pores. I’m surprised you have any brain cells left with all that suffocating going on,” Rodney grinned back.

“Speaking of,” John said, placing a hand on Rodney’s shoulder, truly concerned for his friend. 

“I’m not feeling great but not poor either. I could probably go another hour…” Rodney began. 

“Probably better if you don’t,” John said and offered the red gumdrop to Rodney, placing it on his lips without thinking. “I gathered a bunch of red ones, as they were the only ones I was sure didn’t have any citrus in them,” John explained. 

Rodney felt his cheek blush, but was sure John couldn’t tell in the shadows of their cell, and accepted the offered gum drop, accidentally getting a slight taste of John’s fingers. Then he made a squished up face, as it was terrible as he bit into it. 

“Carson said it would be best not to chew it, but suck on it,” John said, but saw it was too late. 

“Now you tell me,” Rodney said, trying to keep from spitting the way too sweet gum drop out of his mouth. “I see you were not kidding about them being suped up.” 

“That should hold you for six to eight hours,” John told Rodney, knowing the man would want to know. “But I have three more…” 

“And if nothing by then?” Rodney asked, but knew he’d be in serious trouble if help didn’t come by then. 

“Perhaps I should have said something, and then we both could be carrying some,” John said, wondering why he hadn’t mentioned it in the first place. 

“Out of curiosity, just WHERE are you hiding them? They searched us pretty good?” Rodney asked, his tongue coming in and out of his mouth like a dog that had just eaten peanut butter. 

John showed him the little sliver in the waistband of his pants. “It’s small and easily overlooked by those who don’t know what they’re doing, and few out here would,” John said. 

“What else are you carrying or should I ask?” Rodney teased, the taste in his mouth lessening. 

“An epinephrine pen, just in case. I’d carry more, but my pants are standard issue, not special ops, which are made with hiding places built in them,” John informed Rodney. 

“Ah. So, no C-4 or anything like that?” he asked, again deeply touched that John thought of him to bring such items and to be sure they’d had them if just this type of situation arose. 

“Personally, I don’t care for the idea of keeping things that go BOOM that close to parts of my body I like, which is practically all of them,” John grinned. Seeing Rodney chuckle was like music to his soul, and Rodney was also looking better than he was moments ago. “Feeling better?” 

“Thanks to you,” Rodney said, and folded his arms over his chest, not sure what to say or do. Few ever made such gestures toward him, he was taken off guard. 

“What’s wrong?” John asked, reaching out and lifting Rodney’s chin, so they could look each other in the eye. “Did I do something wrong?” 

“No..it’s…I…” Rodney was at a loss. 

John wasn’t sure, but he had a feeling he knew. “I should have done something like this from the very beginning, Rodney. It shouldn’t have taken you almost dying for me to trust you or to take care of my team properly. I believe in you, Rodney McKay, and I want you to know you can believe in me to get your back, okay?” he asked, and absently caressed Rodney’s face. 

Rodney looked up and saw the sincerity in John’s eyes and felt the warmth of his hand, he couldn’t help but give in to his impulse and leaned in and kissed him. At first it was tentative, but it built slowly, softly, as if neither of them wanted to break the spell that was being woven between them. Then the kiss began to build up momentum and passion, as Rodney pulled John closer and felt his hand behind his neck, as the other cupped his cheek, and the kiss grew wet and hot. “I want you,” Rodney panted in between kisses. 

“Want you, too,” John moaned, but then pulled back, and saw Rodney looking owlish at him, as they both tried to regain their senses. “But this isn’t the place for our first time,” he said softly, caressing Rodney’s face, so he knew that John was still interested. 

Rodney just nodded moments before the sound of gunfire and shouts filled the air. 

“I think our ride is here,” John smiled warmly. “How about we pick up where we left off after a hot meal and a hot shower, say your room…I’ll bring the meal if you provide the shampoo?” John teased. 

“Deal,” Rodney said as he got to his feet then gave John a helping hand, placing a small kiss on the other man’s lips, both more than ready to get out of this place. 

**********************

It was actually two days later before John and Rodney could meet up for their dinner and shower plans, as Carson kept Rodney overnight for observation, and was pleased that their little gum drop pills had done the trick. 

John was whistling as he carried the tray with three MREs and coffee for two, in hand, and rang the doorbell of Rodney’s quarters, which opened immediately, showing Rodney hard at work at his laptop, since he wasn’t allowed in the lab just yet. “You’re supposed to be resting,” he grinned as he waltzed in. 

“I am resting,” Rodney griped then looked up, smelling food and coffee. “Is that…lasagna?” Rodney asked, for that was one of his favorite MRE meals, though he liked them all. 

“Yep, and I brought you TWO helpings, and beef noodle for myself,” John grinned, placing the tray down on the table. 

“Oooh, keep this up, and I’ll have to ask you to marry me,” Rodney beamed with joy, seeing not only the two MREs but the pink berry dessert, that tasted like strawberries and cherries combined, the bigger portion of the two desserts, slid his way. 

“Afraid I’ll have to decline, until we know each other longer,” John joked. “My mother said no one in their right mind should get married until they’ve known each other at least two years…wish I listened to her, and then I wouldn’t have had alimony payments.” 

Rodney has already opened one of the two hot MREs and stopped with the spork, the military’s way of saving space, using the spoon/fork combo, halfway to his lips. “You were married?” 

“Once, but things didn’t work out, which was probably a good thing, since I married her under false pretenses,” John shrugged. 

Rodney finished his bite. “False pretenses?” 

“Rodney, I’m gay, which I’m sure you’ve figured out by now. But…I’m also military. Sadly, it’s not an uncommon practice. I liked her, thought we could make a go of it…but,” John shrugged, there was no reason to mention his ‘wife’ cheated on him with their next-door neighbor, two days prior to him sleeping with the same man, thus finding her monogrammed underwear under the pillow. 

“That kind of reminds me,” Rodney said as he kept eating. “Are you sure you’re okay with this,” he asked, gesturing his spork back and forth between them. “I’m fully aware of the American military stance on gays and though I DO know how to be discreet, contrary to what others believe,” Rodney added, for he knew what folks said about him behind and in front of his face. “I just…well, I care and don’t want to see you get into trouble.” 

John was touched by Rodney’s concern. “I wouldn’t have said anything or have done anything if I wasn’t, Rodney. In fact…” he stopped eating his own meal, realizing he needed to say this. “If I was more honest with myself sooner, that whole…incident, with…you know who, wouldn’t have happened. It was ah…you know, last ditch effort, to keep with the program.” 

Rodney nodded, he understood. “I was jealous of her,” he admitted, feeling one honesty deserved another. 

The tension in the room began to grow a bit awkward as both men ate in silence. Once they were both done with their meals, John gathered the garbage and debated on taking it back to the mess hall.

“Didn’t you say something the other day about a shower or something?” Rodney asked, his face a bit flushed. 

John grinned ear-to-ear. “That I did, Doctor McKay, and never let it be said, that I don’t deliver,” he added with a leer as he got to his feet and grabbed Rodney up by his arm and started dragging him toward the shower. 

Rodney stopped him at the doorway to his bathroom, looking John in the eye and knew that the moment they crossed the line between friendship and lovers he was going to fall in love with this man, for he was already halfway there. He was unsure if they should, but a part of him wanted it very much. “John…are you sure this is going to work?” he asked sincerely. 

John chuckled. “It’ll be a bit tight,” he teased then saw the seriousness and deep affection in Rodney’s eyes and knew what he was referring to. “I think that so long as we have a bit of faith in each other, it’ll work out just fine,” he said, and sealed his words with a deep soul-searing kiss. 

“I agree,” Rodney whispered and followed John into the bathroom to take their first shower and first step in their relationship, with a little bit of faith and a whole lot of love. 

THE END


End file.
